Pollyanna Rules

Silver line in the cloud, there surely is no hurry, but would you mind showing up?!

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The risks I’ll never take

Saturdays put me in a strange mood these days. I always try to plan something, just to avoid all this, but plans don’t always work, so, here I am.
Listening to the same song over and over. And over. And over. You get the idea.
And I wonder whether I haven’t made one big, huge mistake. Leaving everything for this sabbatical year, or whatever the right name for leaving a dead end job, moving to Beirut to be closer to where the needs are, and where my love is, and learn a new language, might prove to be the worst decision ever.
And I listen to this song. For hours.  I have for a few years now, and in the end, it always makes me smile.

The adventures that there could have been…
After all, I did take chances. This is quite an adventure.
I do things. Go places. Meet people. Try food. Share.
Maybe not for the most clever, logical reasons, but I travel a lot. And stay, live, learn. Love. Oh yes, and pray. Guess I have the whole book covered, now.

After all, maybe that’s what love is for. Learning.
And if my love lives faraway, I’ll learn about new places. Even if he’s still faraway.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m not in love with Shrek.

and look no further for happiness


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And so, where does all you optimism come from?

The famous silver line seems to be evading me these months.
And I know I do have much to be thankful for, a new job, a wonderful new friend, a boss – demigod – who in the end I found out to be a wonderful person, and made sure I did not have to worry about the future before he left.
And I have my family, and my health is fine, and I have a roof over my head.
But I am not happy. Far from it, Β having my beloved one in Damascus is like a nightmare.
A nightmare I cannot wake up from.

Funny thing is, I keep telling him to be optimistic, not to lose hope, that things will eventually be fine, that the war will leave him and his family unscathed, that we will meet again soon, that all the plans that have been put on hold will finally see the light.

And he asks how can I still be optimistic.

And I don’t know what to say, I don’t know why, I only know I am striving to.

Then I found this, and it kind of sums up my feelings. I suppose.