Pollyanna Rules

Silver line in the cloud, there surely is no hurry, but would you mind showing up?!


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things to be grateful for – night shift

No, I’m not grateful for night shifts, even though I must admit they did pay pretty well, at the call centre I worked in back in the days.

I lost count of the “things to be grateful for” drafts so far, but tonight I will just publish, whatever road this post decides to take me.

It was an amazing night. With amazing people.

I have been reading and studying and analysing people’s reactions to war and violence for years now, and I never cease to be in awe at the strength and resilience they show.
The humanity that never dies.
The life that screams through them.
The hope that refuses to fade.

And still, when I meet people who have been through all the violence and danger and war and risks, when I hear their stories, their will to go on despite all the evil they faced, despite the pain, the fear, the death around them, I am amazed.

A night out with my young brave Kurdish friend is an experience that left me lost for words.
The struggles she went through, as a Kurd in Syria, as a woman in a war torn Country, as someone living in a besieged city, as a stranger in a Country that is not hers, where she had to face hardship and sneering, and yet she never gave up.

Listening to her story, how she made her escape, the times she feared for her – and her loved ones’ – life, the new version of her she built here, I could not help feeling small, and humbled. Wishing to be more like her, and knowing I will never be.
And grateful for this friendship, that came unexpected, and is one of the greatest gifts this year had in store for me.

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things to be grateful four – day for

Well no, it’s not a typo, I just couldn’t help being silly with the title.
I can’t help being silly most of the time, to be honest.


 

I have been living here for a year now, studying hard(ish), volunteering here and there, making friends, taking pictures, getting to know a Country and the zillion of cultures mixed and living together. I never imagined such huge differences could exist in a tiny, tiny Country.

I am grateful for this year, it was a big leap into the void, at times I have thought it was a huge mistake, and maybe it was. Couldn’t make a better one, though.

The downside of this amazing experience is, needless to say, that I have spent all my money and I am nearly completely broke. It was an investment, and I hope it will bear some fruit. Still, I am broke.

I woke up this morning, checked my messages, and there it was! My former boss saying somebody is waiting for my CV. It’s in another Country, but a very nice one. And hey, did I mention I’ve been here for a year already?!

I am not sure where this will lead, and I know I wanted to write about the things I am grateful for in general, but today I can’t help feeling grateful for the opportunity.

I dare even say I am happy.


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Another year

Another year to find silver linings. Guess I have started soon and well.
Got the flu, I can finally catch up with series I love. I am clearly not back in Beirut yet, or I’d have gone mad by now, waiting for hours for a forty minutes episodes.

So, all is well. Or that’s what I keep telling myself. The hard decision has been taken and I am trying to stick to it. But it’s hard. Very hard.
…have I said I’m finding this hard, yet?! 😂

I’ll know the hard times are over when I’ll feel like taking pictures again.
For now, I watch TV.

And the snow

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being forced to figure out what I want – a blessing in disguise

And so, silver lining.

Realising that your life is not turning out to be the way you’d planned, and that the one you love may never get out of the horrible place he’s in, and having to deal with the guilt of wanting to go on with your life anyway. It was bad, tears were shed, dreams were shattered, hearts were stopped for some time.

But here’s what: I want to be happy, like everyone.
I want a job I love, again. I want to be loved. I want great sex every day, and talks, and laughter, and hugs, and fun, and support, and respect, and sharing, and adventure; and being there for someone, and knowing that he will be there for me. I want to go to bed at night knowing that I will wake up with the same man, and that every day can be a new, exciting beginning.

I want a home to go back to.


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I really need to write something about procrastination. One day. Maybe.

For the time being, I will just try to start writing regularly again, and follow the advice a sometimes wise, sometimes not, young (I guess) man gave me two months ago, when I first mentioned struggling with the blog.

I know you can’t wait to know what I have been up to these days weeks months, so here’s your prize for having been incredibly patient.

I moved to Lebanon. Really.
I thought it was going to be for a few weeks, but could not stay away for long, and now I am trying to find a way to stay here wothout drying up the little savings I have.
Maybe I will start working with refugees again. I would love to. How good would that be.
Trying to give back some of what I have received from life, join those who lost everything for a part of their journey towards a better life, a new beginning. It would be another gift to me, somehow, I suppose. But still, I would love to.

Will I be up to the task? Will I manage to be of some help and not an hindrance?
I hope so.

In the meantime, I am struggling a bit with my Arabic classes.
But then, I need to take this small step to get on the big road.

And take pictures along the way.

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