Pollyanna Rules

Silver line in the cloud, there surely is no hurry, but would you mind showing up?!

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When the sun is always shining

It gets hard to find the silver lining.
No, I won’t start writing in rhymes (even though…), but the thought arrived in this exact form, and it seemed a shame to change it.

I have been really neglecting this blog, these last months.
Tough decisions tend to drain energy and hope, although they were probably good ones. Maybe they were not, and there are days I can’t help thinking that I’ve made a big, terrible mistake. Still, deep inside I know that I had to move on from a relationship that had become a cage.
I had to survive, somehow.

So here we go again.
I will have to give myself a task, a daily one, and try and stick to it. I’ve been through worse times, much worse times, I can’t let myself slip away for this. I need something to hold on to.

New project is: find something to be grateful for every day. Celebrate the little things. Friends, trips, books, a song, a smile from a stranger (hopefully I won’t stumble into stalkers 😂), a walk, a remainder of lives lost in an abandoned building…
No matter how much I sometimes enjoy drowning in self pity, I know that I have been blessed in many, many ways. I probably take it all for granted, and even the smallest disappointment seems a tragedy, and it’s time – again – to put things into perspective.
Let’s see how it goes.



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The risks I’ll never take

Saturdays put me in a strange mood these days. I always try to plan something, just to avoid all this, but plans don’t always work, so, here I am.
Listening to the same song over and over. And over. And over. You get the idea.
And I wonder whether I haven’t made one big, huge mistake. Leaving everything for this sabbatical year, or whatever the right name for leaving a dead end job, moving to Beirut to be closer to where the needs are, and where my love is, and learn a new language, might prove to be the worst decision ever.
And I listen to this song. For hours.  I have for a few years now, and in the end, it always makes me smile.

The adventures that there could have been…
After all, I did take chances. This is quite an adventure.
I do things. Go places. Meet people. Try food. Share.
Maybe not for the most clever, logical reasons, but I travel a lot. And stay, live, learn. Love. Oh yes, and pray. Guess I have the whole book covered, now.

After all, maybe that’s what love is for. Learning.
And if my love lives faraway, I’ll learn about new places. Even if he’s still faraway.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m not in love with Shrek.

and look no further for happiness

I am not really sure this can fit into the Silver Line thing I keep blabbering about, but I found this extremely interesting.
A fun way to make us realise the stereotypes we so often take for what things really are, a fun way to help us all understand that Africa is not just undernourished children and war…

Well, take a look, it’s cute
(I’ll be back with the not-so-serious stuff soon)

If you want to know more, click here!

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Life-Work balance?

I disappeared, I know.
I said I am lazy, didn’t I?

Anyway, I had been writing bits of would-be posts on random computers, at work, at home, at my parents’, on my mobile, even (not sure how to make the thing work properly, though) when I realised I had forgot  the password.
I did not worry at first, kept telling myself I would remember it tomorrow, and then tomorrow, and then tomorrow, and then…
did I mention I am lazy?


Being constantly in between contracts, much of my free – and not only that, I must admit – time is devoted to job-hunting, which includes, when I am lucky, job interviews.

A few months back, I was asked to have an interview for a position I was slightly overqualified for. I am not particularly picky, when it comes to avoid starvation, so I went. Quite happily, and quite sure I would get the job.

Too bad it appeared that what most mattered was the knowledge of the local language.
Now, I am the kind of person who is terrified of going anywhere without knowing a bit of the language, but it was an “International” position in a supposedly international city, and no one ever mentioned the need to speak the local language.
I was angry and disappointed.
Then I told myself well,  I took a day off work, I flew to a place I had never been before, I saw a very lively demonstration, and was amazed at the punctuality of public transport. At no cost. Things could have been definitely worse.

Of course the other side of the story was that I had wasted half a weekend getting to the place, arrived at my airport very late, which meant I had no other option but to take a taxi.  Unless

And here comes the silver lining 🙂

Imagine going through that, imagine the disappointment and anger in finding out your interview was not supposed to make any difference.
Imagine having just started dating somebody you could only see during the weekend, and having missed your chance.
Imagine that person offering to drive you to the airport on Sunday morning, and to come pick you up on Monday night “if I don’t fall asleep”. Which is, of course, the case.

Imagine the surprise finding them in front of the airport,half asleep in the car.

I may not have got the job, but had I had to choose, I would not have changed a thing.♥

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Non, je ne regrette rien

Do you ever wonder how different your life would be, if…?

if you had chosen a different university
if you had not gone to university at all
if you had not ran away from the place you grew up in
if you had started a different career
if you had been less nomadic
if you had accepted to settle down, when you had been given the chance

I do, every  now and then. When things seem to go wrong, as it happens.

I like to imagine all the different people that I might have become, the fun experiences I might have had, the dull jobs I might have had to endure, or craved, who knows.
And more than anything, I wonder whether I might have made different decisions in relationships. I might have suffered less, or loved more, or been happier, or treated someone more kindly.

And then I recall all the joy, and laughter, and tears, and suffering, and smiles, and fears. And they make me the person I am now. Far from perfect,  but, hey, I can’t do everything 😉 

And I know that if I had to start all over again, I would do exactly the same. It’s been fun, so far.

Non, je ne regrette rien.

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And here we go. Again?!

And here we go. Again.There might be changes ahead.

A new job? I quite like the one I have, if I forget: 1- boss (one of the many, all bosses and no workers here), 2- pay, 3-tiny contracts, 4- unpaid overtime – because, hey, I’m a consultant after all. I may not sign the next mini-contract-extension and…
And try harder to get a better job. I got used to being useful and go to bed happy with what I had done, and what I would do the next day. It was good. It felt good. It meant a better life for someone. And it was not me.

A new house? a new city? a new Country? a new life?

Let’s see what happens.

I think I am ready.

I have to be.

how about a nice cup of tea